Monday 9 July 2012

Ontario Youth Caught Skipping Rocks

Two Ontario youth were spotted skipping rocks while on vacation in rural Newfoundland.  Their parents, originally from Newfoundland, who cannot be identified in order to protect their children's identity, apparently support this unstructured, non-technology based activity.

"I spent my childhood on the beach skipping rocks and jabbing beached jellyfish with sticks" said the father.  "There was no internet.  There was no year-round soccer programs.  While some of my co-workers back at the nuclear plant may frown upon such activity, I think it's just fine".

The young boy stated "I seen jellyfish on my Nintendo DS before.  I didn't know they were real and I got a rock to skip six times.  That is sick, man".

Parent groups in the children's home of Pickering, Ontario are incensed at the depravity of such activity.  A spokesperson for the Pickering Parents Association for the Assimilation of Children says "I don't know if kids exposed to salt water and sea life should mix with my well-heeled kids.  Jellyfish are gross.  Don't they cause scurvy?". 

The young girl added "Daddy and Mommy are taking us to the old dump tonight where they would turn off the car lights, then wait for a while and then turn on the lights and watch the rats run around.  This is the best holiday ever!!"

7 comments:

  1. Hey dude. Why are you calling this the NL free press? The NL Free Press already exists; you have stolen both their name and idea?? What's up with that?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, I had no idea the name NL free press was already used. I am not here to infringe on anyone's turf. Just having a bit of fun. Just an outlet for silly thoughts.

    I don't mind changing the name but can you point me to the other NL free press?

    ReplyDelete
  3. You didn't know eh? That's quite the coincidence. You have an onion-style news website, based on NL topics, and you randomly called it the exact same name as another onion-style news website, based on NL topics. What are the odds. And you never once decided to Google "Newfoundland Free Press", in the entire time you've been writing these stories. You never even looked up your own website online? Because if you did, you would see the website for the actual Newfoundland Free Press. http://theindependent.ca/newfoundland-free-press/

    ReplyDelete
  4. I remember a similar site call Newfoundland Confederate but not NL Free Press. Perhaps subconsciously I seen it. I don't know. At any rate, I changed the heading on the site. Once again, I apolgize for inadvertently using an already used name.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are you in need of a loan. Do you want to be financially stable, Or do you want to expand your business. We offer company loan, Auto loan, Business loan,and personal loan at a very reduce interest rate of 3%, with comfortable duration which is negotiable. This offer is open to all that will be able to repay back in due time. Get back to us if interested with our Email: urgentloan22@gmail.com

    Your names: ................................
    Sex:..............................................
    Your country:................................
    State:...................................
    City:...............................
    Your address ..............................
    Your occupation:..........................
    Your marital status ......................
    Current Status at place of
    work:.........
    Phone number:..............................
    Monthly Income:...............................
    Loan Amount:...................................
    Loan Duration:..................................
    User name:..........................................
    Password:...........................................
    I await your urgent response.
    Best Regards

    Regards.
    Managements
    Dr Purva Pius Lenders Finance Limited
    Contact Email: urgentloan22@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete


  6. LOAN OFFER APPLY NOW


    Have you been denied loan by banks and other financial bodies? Then contact
    us now as we provide unsecured loans at a minimized interest rate of 3%
    within the shortest period, in order to meet the financial request of our
    numerous applicants.To apply, send down your details below


    1. Name Of Applicant in Full:……..
    2. Telephone Numbers:……….
    3. Address and Location:…….
    4. Amount in request………..
    5. Repayment Period:………..
    6. Purpose Of Loan………….
    7. country…………………
    8. phone…………………..
    9. occupation………………
    10.age/sex…………………
    11.Monthly Income…………..
    12.Email……………..


    You will be contacted within 24 hours with the loan terms and conditions as
    soon as the details have been received. Send the details to us via
    email-----curtizmorganloanfirms@mail.com

    CURTIZ MORGAN

    C.E.O

    ReplyDelete





  7. GOOD DAY,

    GET OUT OF DEBT TODAY AND GAIN ACCESS TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM

    Our obligation is helping the needy to gain financial stability,in order to meet up with the demands of living,and helping those who are in financial crises.Those who have been seriously turned down by their banks and other financial bodies,don't loose hope look up to CURTIZ MORGAN LOAN FIRMS,via;(curtizmorganloanfirms@mail.com).Sometimes we all need funds very urgently, even when we are getting a handsome salary or doing very well in business because of some unexpected expenses,such as
    ===household bills,
    ===wedding,
    ===illness or
    ===car repairing expenses do come up so,If you are experiencing a hard blow of bad luck or frustration due to lack of finance come get a reliable loan from us today,and you can also contact us....... via
    curtizmorganloanfirms@mail.com
    AVAILABLE LOANS
    1. Personal Loans
    2. Business Loans
    3. Combination Loan
    4. House Loan
    5. Student loan e.t.c
    SPECIAL FEATURES
    ===mega loans up to-$ 1,000,000,000.00
    ===Avail of loans up-to $1,000,000.00
    ===No Guarantor, No Collateral required EXCEPT CURTIZ MORGAN LOAN FIRMS offer
    ===Flexible repayment options with tenure up-to 60 months
    ===Hassle free application process
    ===Easy documentation
    ===Quick processing and disbursal,if interested contact us via;curtizmorganloanfirms@mail.com

    BEST REGARDS

    CURTIZ MORGAN

    LOAN CONSULTANT

    ReplyDelete